The Other Side

"I have gone to parks alone, eaten alone at RESTAURANTS - which i realised is not the same as cafés lol omg, explored areas alone, gone on a day group tour (like 50 other people in groups/pairs) alone, gone shopping alone."
My rant messages to FungYee, who just got back from her multiple tour trips.


I realised by posting only pictures, i'm part of the group of people that paint an idealistic impression of living in a foreign country. Somehow everyone thinks its all fun and excitement, and that i'm having the time of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but it would be ridiculous to agree to statements like "You look like you're enjoying SO MUCH", "Having a lot of fun isn't it?" or condescending remarks on how I should not "complain" about anything.

It makes sense though. That people would rather live with their ignorance and believe that everything is a bed of roses, that things are perfect, and that i'm having the time of my life. People would only want to hear the pretty side of things, and when you tell them the other side, minus the glitz and glam, they judge you for being unappreciative or ungrateful. Otherwise they assume you're unhappy and not having a good time. I guess its hard to put the truth out there and not be misunderstood.


You can choose to stop here, or click read more to understand what I think/feel.


So here it goes; 5 points.

1) People seem to have this misconception that picking up French is easy. Sometimes I get asked "so can you hold a conversation in french?", "Can you speak french now?", "You are going to be good at french after your internship!"
- no no no and more nos. Do you not realise that back in SG we learn English and Chinese since we were BORN and yet some of us are still unable hold a decent grammatically accurate conversation in either language.
AND YES FRENCH IS HARD. Its hard, but i'm improving, and it annoys me when people downplay the amount of effort it takes to pick up a foreign tongue. You don't ask a child to speak to an adult 3 months after he learns the ABC. Its the same theory.

2) Having nothing to do at work, and having the computer block Youtube is indeed VERY boring. -Universal problem faced by most interns, I believe. At least they did not block blogger! I work 9-6+ which is as bad as SG, shops close at 8, and no I will not go to a club or a bar alone at night.

3) Finding myself craving random food even though i'm not hungry. - Sushi, Chicken Rice, Char Kway Teow, Chilli Crab, More sushi. Effects of eating sushi twice a week in SGP are surfacing.

4) Food is expensive. Cooking is not fun, washing up is not fun, I rather much eat my grandparents' cooking because I just can never match up to that standard. EVER. Waiting for the laundry is a waste of time; time that could be spent exploring Paris. - But I don't hate it. Its the sort of thing you just do, and get over with it, so no, its not a hard life.

5) It is NOT fun to be alone. For me at least. So it annoys me when people romanticize it, or think that i'm having the time of my life, BY MYSELF. I've always had a companion since young. Siblings back home, cousins in kindergarten, even in primary school, secondary school, junior college and eventually in college, I build my life in a way that i had different social circles and groups of friends to hang out with for every activity I did. I never realised it was something I treasured. But being in Paris, living alone and interning, its hard to find companions. I find myself constantly alone. - Again, NO, i'm not depressed, and Skyping (in my opinion) does NOT alleviate this problem.
Like I've mentioned before, I'm not homesick, but its nice to occasionally get a call from friends or family.
I think, this is more of a character/personality thing. I've always been talkative and extroverted, so not being part of conversations because of the language barrier is sad, but i'm getting used to it.
Also, it is harder to start a conversation with people than expected. There is no such thing as "just make friends la!" Sure if i can speak french I will "just make friends". There will be no problem at all. But that is not the situation i'm in. Its not that I don't want to, I have never not want to make friends, EVER. My point is, its not that simple/straight forward.

Nevertheless, it is good. This is a great experience and I wouldn't trade it in for anything. I think I'm lucky to have an opportunity like this to grow up, mature, and change my perception of things. An opportunity that a lot of people living in Singapore will never have (it's not the same as studying abroad, though that is a whole special experience on its own). 

Being here is about adapting, learning to accept differences, learning to enjoy the good things while dealing with the bad. It is about seeking new experience and grabbing opportunities even if it scares you. It is taking up all the good AND bad in life, and still being happy regardless. It is about being grateful every time you partially understand a short french phrase, it is about being thankful for every single time somebody attempts to converse with you in English - they don't have to, but they do, and they do it from the goodness of their heart.

For that I will always be grateful. I may not be having the time of my life, but I am happy. So don't be naive and think its all perfect, because it is not. Its not always fun, its not always pretty, but to me, its good enough.