experience

I've always thought coming to London would feel very much like academic liberation. For the past 2 years i've been telling myself, semester after semester: hang on a little tighter, just one more semester, work a little harder, stay up for another hour, pull your GPA up so it freezes at a decent level for exchange, one semester closer to exchange etc. It seemed as though every moment I spent working hard to do well in school, was for this one year of liberation, this ONE exchange.

I've heard stories from seniors about how their one semester exchange has been the best time of their life, how some visited up to 40 cities in half a year, how they travelled and didn't have to go to school because it was a pass/fail system. And I thought to myself, hey, i'm going to be there for a whole year, wouldn't that be double the fun?

Couple of my friends are currently on exchange programmes and started their semesters before I did. I saw pictures of them touring, and going for weekend trips; basically having SO MUCH FUN. I was confused and asked "what about school?" and the general consensus seemed to be - you study less when you're on an exchange.

Imperial College is a wonderful school. I chose Imperial over Berkeley because I believe that it would be a better transition for me into Chemical Engineering, and i'd be able to learn a lot more without the stress of keeping up my GPA.

Unfortunately, complications set in, and the curriculum seems to be way more intense than I expected because of certain "rules". Several uncertainties came along with this exchange, and it feels as though I'm fighting an academic war all over again.

I had a meeting with my personal tutor in Imperial (THEY ARE SO NICE TO THEIR STUDENTS!) the other day, and he asked me, "What do you want to get out of your exchange? And how are you going to measure your level of success in that?" Obviously he meant academic wise. I told him I had to think about it. Sure I had some academic goals for myself, but nothing was moderately related to any form of self-assessment. Assessment is what I was ESCAPING from this year.

But, he said that there is no use of setting goals when I had no way to measure my success of them, and that my time in Imperial would be more meaningful if I had a way of assessing myself in terms of these academic goals.

Truth be told, I don't have quantifiable academic goals. My goal, is to learn for the sake of learning, not for the examinations. Through learning french in France (and I'm utterly disappointed my jam-packed timetable means I don't have the ability to continue with that here!) I experienced what it felt like to learn because I wanted to, not because I had to.

I think the reason why I could not think of a way to assess myself - and still have no idea how I'm going to assess any form of academic achievement - during my time here is because I don't want to. I wanted to take this year to break away from all assessment, school, struggling to understand lectures, having 4 hours of sleep a day just to keep my grades up, and feeling like crap if I scored less than what people would expect of me. I wanted NOTHING to do with the pressures from grades and university education.

I want this academic year to be about learning outside of class. Seeing a different side of the world. Travelling, learning through people you meet in different countries/cities, exploring, and learning all the life lessons I would not get in school. Thats what a year abroad is suppose to be isn't it? If I wanted to have the stress of keeping my grades up, worrying if my credits will be accrued, trying to make sure I'm well-versed in certain subjects so that I don't struggle when I go back after this academic year, I might as well have stayed back in Singapore and studied my ass off.

Then again, my past experiences have very well taught me, that things don't always go the way you want them to. Working hard doesn't guarantee you success, and that if things go well for you, be thankful because you're one of the lucky ones.

I guess its never good to build up your expectations and have a preconceived notion about something, because when things don't go the way you expect them to, you're left disappointed.

That being said, I'm trying to stay positive, and improve my current situation as much as I can. I'm trying to learn to put less pressure on myself, and I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that i'm not doing something I love or even like - even though I think it seems to be the most legitimate way for me to have the career that I believed I desire in the future.

Im still carrying the hope that things will turn around, that I will have the adventure of my lifetime this year. London is such a beautiful city. Having the time to explore the city alone would be amazing! But I'm still hoping that I will have the ability to travel and see different parts of the UK, experience different European cultures, and make the best of my time here.

Going to Barcelona in a few days - definitely a good time for me to get my mind off school.

Hopefully I am able to keep up with the curriculum when I get back. I'm feeling quite guilty for taking time off school, but since I'm stuck in school from 9am-5pm with only an hour break for lunch on my 21st birthday, and no form of a celebration, I feel this short trip is a warranted one.

There you have it. A little snippet of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity to be in London, because its something I never expected myself to have. Just thought i'd share something a little more . I really do hope (and I still believe) this year of exchange will turn out to be a good one.

Pictures from an afternoon out and about in the area around Trafalgar Square, London.

Initial Thoughts About Exchange

19 October 2014 Trafalgar Square, London WC2N 5DN, UK

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” - A Hat Full of Sky.

It's been a good 2 weeks in Singapore. I didn't think i'll change much after being away for 3 months, but I feel sort of different. Different yet the same. I think if anyone has left home for a long time, and then came back again couple of months or even a year later, they'll understand what I mean.

Before you're back, people say things like how your family would be missing you since you've been away for a long time, but truth be told, I don't think so. My family might miss me, but they continue their lives as per normal, and that is a great thing. In fact I see them a lot lesser than I use to before I left - blame it on jet lag hahaha. And that is okay. Every shopping trip/dinner with them is a fun time where I get to rattle on about my life in Paris/random things in general. They think I talk too much now that I'm back!

I've always wondered what it would be life to leave singapore for a couple of months, one year, and then come back later. I guess if i ever want to take off and see the world, I can (if i have the $). Because coming back to SG, though there is familiarity with the food and places, and the comfort of home, it doesn't feel too different from living alone in Paris (because my family members are so busy as usual!) This gives me the desire to go on and travel more in the future. Because I know I can, and my family will be still the same when i'm back :)

Nevertheless, I don't particularly enjoy the Singapore weather though this sweltering heat means its summer all day, everyday, all year round, and I can still flounce around in my summer dresses.

Then again, I'm so excited to experience autumn and winter in Europe, layering and dressing up for classes! Sorry, bimbo moment.

The main reason I come back to Singapore is FOOD. Because coming back for people puts a lot of pressure on them, and it can sometimes be disappointing. You realise you're very dispensable. But it also teaches you to be okay. Be okay with the fact that friends, life and all that stuff you use to put so much emphasis on, is actually not that important, and things are fleeting/nothing but momentary.

This helps me to enjoy every single moment in life, every short car conversation, every soccer match with my brother (even though I have no clue about soccer, and I sit there and talk and ask all sorts of random questions), every dinner with my friends, every single time my friends ask me how I'm doing or remember that somewhere out there in another side of the world I still exist :)

One of my friends said this on Instagram, "Really glad seeing everyone moving ahead in life!" accompanied with a photo of a group of us at dinner. Its such a heartwarming thing to hear. Everyone moving ahead, everyone growing up, everyone experiencing new things.

Thank you to the family and friends who have been so encouraging all these years, and even though we don't regularly catch up, thank you for always being the same humble people that you all are. Thank you for remembering me, and for taking the time off to gather and send me off, to make me feel part of a second family! Thank you for being happy for my successes, and adventures in life. I love you all with all my heart and wish you all the happiness in the world <3