Things Willl Eventually Makes Sense | Behind the Scenes

Found a post in my drafts, realised it's pretty relevant even now, and decided to publish it.

As I'm writing this, I just experienced the best take off ever, and after all the amazing sights I've seen in Scandinavia, I'm sitting in seat 17F of a BA flight typing this as tears slowly well up in my eyes.

I'm so incredibly thankful for am everything I experienced on this trip (in fact ever since I got to intern in France). The whole experience was definitely beyond my wildest imagination. I think witnessing so much beauty of the world really does put things into perspective.

If you told  me this 2-3 years ago, that getting into really good international schools and not having the money to go to them, and being rejected by medical school were blessings in disguise, and being up in the programme i'm in would result in the experience of a lifetime, I would have thought you were insane.

But right now, I get it. 

I may not enjoy what I'm learning in school, I may not be on my desired career path, but I can believe that everything will eventually work out.

Being in this course gave me the opportunity to fulfil my greatest dream (since I was 15!) of living in Paris and London and traveling around Europe. Somehow, it resulted in my family being able to see England too (which I just realised was a highlight my brother's life), and I manage to travel to Europe with my mum (as wished in 2013).

This was definitely one of the most reflective, encouraging, eye opening and emotionally overwhelming trips. I found myself wanting to cry tears of joy more than half the time. 

I guess my point of this post is to say, everything happens for a reason, and it's ok if things aren't always perfect. I know, sometimes it really does feel as though life is playing a joke on you, or just kicking you in the butt over and over again. I get it. 

When I did well for A levels, but got so many rejections for what I wanted to do, when I think back and blame myself for choosing engineering when I could have easily gone into another more creative university course that I would enjoy, when I was so close to giving up, and thought about quitting for the last 3 years because I didn't like engineering, and (though my grades are decent) when I was miserable almost every waking academic moment, & I constantly thought my life was a joke. 
I GET IT.

Now, when I look back on my university journey thus far, no doubt I will shudder at the thought of engineering - I'm shuddering now - I can see that it wasn't a joke. It happened for a reason. Reasons that elude me, but somehow what could have been the sole regret in my life, the single worst decision made, has turned out to be quite a blessing. 

I hope this serves as a reminder to myself and hopefully an encouragement to others feeling like I did for the last 2-3 years.

Sometimes life doesn't go the way we hope it would, but we just have to hang in there, give it our best shot (maybe with a few lot of tears, threats to quit, emotional turmoil!), and believe that things will eventually start to make sense. 

I'm not saying I know why I ended up in engineering, in fact, I know for sure, I do not want a career in engineering - it's wrong for me, and I have no passion for it, I'm no longer ashamed to admit that. Admitting that engineering is not for me isn't giving up or failing, it's owning the truth. 
In spite of it all, I have to believe that all these, happened for a reason. 
There can be no regret in my decision years ago. A lot of what ifs, but no regrets. I don't need to forgive myself, because I can see now that I did not single handedly ruin my own life.

In the mean time I have to continue to work hard and keep my grades up, even though it's not easy, and I don't like it, I got to do it. Because I owe it myself to make the best of the situation. And hopefully one day, just like today, the sky will be sky little clearer, the day a little brighter and everything will make a little more sense. 

If you're stuck in a place you hate, a job you don't like, something you can't quit and get out of, just hang in there, and see it through. I promise one day everything will be better, and the blessings will no longer be disguised.