outfits
As of late, i have been finding myself reading more and more autobiographies, more specifically, books written by powerful women. From #Girlboss by Sophia Amoruso to Wildflower by Drew Barrymore. Latest edition to this list? Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg - a book every women (aspiring to have a kick-ass career or not) should read.
There is something intriguing about autobiographies and learning about life through someone else's unique experiences. Maybe its a sign of growing up and having less desire to live in a fantasy/non-fiction world, or maybe i'm just interested by people's life experiences as it's the closest way of experiencing something I otherwise would never have.
In Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg talks about women in the work place, citing her own experiences and that of her colleagues (think Marissa Mayer), how to deal with increasing personal success in the work place, the prejudice that comes with it and how we can all collectively go about aspiring for equality in the working world.
I never thought the male and female inequality was extremely apparent. I knew it existed, but, I have never been explicitly denied something because I was female. I'm fortunate enough to have never been put into such an obviously unequal situation. However, listening to Lean In, I realise prejudice still exist, just in more subtle but equally detrimental forms.
Being someone who has "girly" interest and I'm hardly ever taken seriously as an Engineering student (friends who study engineering and share my interest for fashion can attest to this). My classmates who are less interested in "girly things" were always taken more seriously, seen as smarter/better academically, and do not get the same judgement I do. I never thought much about it, I just thought it was probably something wrong with me as a person. Over the last few years in university, I've received countless of snide comments and had to deal with the way people have labelled me because of my more feminine hobbies and interests.
Lean In definitely shed light on certain things I otherwise would not have noticed.
After I got the audiobook on audible, I realised there was a graduate's edition - probably more suitable if you're graduating, or have just started working. Regardless, I throughly enjoyed listening to Lean In. I just wish i had the physical book so I could highlight and annotate, instead of typing on my phone.
Anyway, Lean In, got me thinking so much more about how i've been viewing my career options, so here are 5 lessons I beleive we all can learn from facebook's successful COO!
1 | "SIT AT THE TABLE"
This is one MAJOR lesson from the book.
"Sit at the table" was a recurring statement throughout the book. Sitting at the table means stepping up to the plate and owning your worth.
Sandberg quotes studies that have shown women tend to doubt themselves (more so than men) when given an opportunity, and rarely agree to take up additional responsibilities immediately. It is also less common for women to praise themselves highlight their achievements, ask for a deserving raise, or volunteer themselves for a job they have the skills for.
Generally, women often put themselves down, down play their achievements (some even just NOT highlight it), and question their own abilities, more so than men.
So instead, of thinking about our flaws, and worrying if we're good enough, Sandberg suggests we should ask ourselves what would we do if you weren't afraid.
Basically, "Sit at the table" took me back to a famous quote from a movie my little self loved called A Cinderella Story.
"Do not let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
2 | NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU, AND THAT IS OK.
In her book, Sheryl Sandberg mentioned the difference when it comes to how people judge a successful male and a successful female with the exact same accomplishments. Google: Heidi Howard Case for more details.
"As a man gets more successful, he is better liked by men and women, and as a women gets more successful, she is less liked by men and women." This statement coupled with the Heidi Howard case study pretty much summarised how people typically view an ambitious woman.
This negative association is why, as females, we feel that in order to remain liked, we have to be "not a threat" and to not be seen as a corporate-ladder-climbing-bitch (to put it crudely). Our self doubt (in the case of point 1) becomes self-defence. Self doubt becomes a shield. We put ourselves down so we remained liked, so that we can be "the nice girl".
When I was younger, I use to be pretty straight forward and clear about what I wanted. Basically male counterparts who i've worked with labelled me as "A little bitchy" but "Got work done". Bitchy. Scary. Demanding. Curt. Angsty. "Guys would be afraid to date you", words i've heard all too often because i'm ambitious, straight-forward, or i'm strict when it comes to getting things done. I'm dead sure if I was a male, i'd be seen as determined, confident, efficient, etc. But alas, Im not.
After entering university, I toned down. Tried my hardest to stop being as straight forward and demanding, played (or tried at least) the typical nice girl card to fit in one too many times despite sometimes feeling sick to the stomach for having to do so. What for? Because it made me more well liked (Seriously though, it did much to my dismay). More accepted, more like a stereotypical female.
What I learned from this book is that in order to lean in, it is important we keep that self doubt in check, stop dumbing ourselves down as women just so men would like us.
We should never shortchange ourselves especially when opportunities arise in terms of our career. Take a step out and look at our accomplishments objectively, look at ourselves without the tinted eyes of gender.
Yes, it is important that we are liked. But we can't be liked by everyone. We shouldn't have to be less of who we are just so that our bosses or colleagues would like us.
Another side point, is that it is important NOT to expect women bosses to like you JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE a women. Sandberg mentions, often, as women, we expect greater niceness from other women, and have double standards when it comes to senior women and men. That should not be the case. We can't expect to reduce inequality and at the same time expected to be treated better just because of our gender.
This message of acceptance and equality in the work place clearly resounds throughout the book, and is by far my favourite topic in the book!
3 | EMPOWER OTHER WOMEN.
It is 2016. The era for a "Queen Bee" is long gone. There is no such thing as only 1 woman doing well. We can all do well together.
Don't hate on other women because of their choices.The classic case of working mum vs. non-working mum. In the book, Sheryl Sandberg talks about how women from one side bash the other way too often, because it is how they justify their choices. A working mum and a stay-home mum remind each other of what each one of them is giving up because of the choices they made.
I grew up with 2 working parents. My cousins had parents who were both working full-time as well. My grandparents were too working full time when they were parents. I never for once doubted the fact that i'd be a working mum. That was just the convention for me.
I vaguely, being 14 or 15, and having a discussion with my friends about working full-time whilst raising kids, and that was the first time I experienced the hate/judgement.
One of my friends commented on how mothers should be with their kids full-time when they are younger to increase the mother child bond or to ensure they wouldn't grow up "bad". Whatever bad meant. In Lean In, Sandberg said based on facts and statistics, working full-time does NOT diminish the mother daughter bond.
In fact, as a daughter of a working mum, i'd say my bond with my mum is pretty solid.
The book talks about how the fight between women should not be happening. If one feels the desire to raise her kids, and to nurture them, she should not be judged for her actions. Similarly, if one chooses to work full-time, she too shouldn't be judged or condemned because of her choices. There is no one right way to raise kids, and the more women go against one another, the more we perpetuate prejudice, & this is just one scenario.
Instead of tearing each other down, we should offer other women a helping hand. Highlight their achievements and their value. Encourage different choices, and give younger girls more options in their career choices, their roles in the family, etc. The more women help one another, the more we help ourselves.
"There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women" - Madeleine Albright
4 | FIND THE RIGHT PARTNER
Sheryl Sandberg wrote:
'Whether you get married, and who?' is the single most important decision an aspiring career women has to make.Having a partner that will support your career decisions and step in to take care and do his/her part for the family is extremely important.
She cites the balance she and her husband has struck when it comes to taking care of their kids.
Basically, as more women sit at the table in the workforce, men have to sit at the kitchen table. Women should encourage men to take more responsibilities at home, and see parenting and an equal contribution between both parties. Finding a partner, male or female, that embraces and supports you going for your career, and willing to take up half the responsibilities at home, or basically "cover for you" when you aren't around is extremely important.
I'm not getting a life partner anytime soon, but I'm sure i've got to keep this in mind for when the time comes, for who I choose to date, or for the conversations that I have to have when with whoever I end up wanting to marry.
5 | DON'T STAY QUIET
You cant just put your head down and ignore the situation. Sandberg said, in the past, she would not be so forthcoming when speaking about feminism and prejudice in the work place (or while she was studying at Harvard), despite having encountered so many situations herself.
She said she thought just by ignoring it, and doing her work well she'd prove those critics and stereotypes wrong.
I have always thought like that.
Instead of highlighting why everyone should support feminism, most of the time, I force myself to halt my statements or just not comment in situations because I didn't want to appear "unlikable" "scary" "angry" or "bitchy" even though I'm feeling NONE of those negative emotions. As a person, I just get excited and passionate about certain subjects (equality and debunking stereotypical insinuations for example) easily, and it sucks that I can't freely express myself in these situations.
By staying quiet or by not calling out on the prejudice, we're actually feeding into the stereotypes and allowing them to propagate.
"You can't please everyone, you can't be liked by everyone. If you do, you're not making a change." - Sheryl Sandberg
I hope when I'm put in or witnessing situations of female stereotype - or any stereotypes - I have the gut to speak up, and point out these errors, even if it means coming across "fierce".
Feminism, equality for the sexes, whatever it is you want to call it, I believe we should all be given opportunities in all arenas equally, regardless of how we look on the outside. It's sad that our world is so visual, and so many of us fall prey to stereotypes, but here's changing the world one step at the time, and i'm starting with the woman in the mirror.
A little bird told me that white denim is in this spring summer.
I admit, I love looking through style.com to find out whats in, reading magazines, watching runway shows. But, I don't really enjoy the concept of trends. I hate the idea that something will be in for 3 months, and then phase out completely. WHY?! I mean designers typically do SS and FW clothes. So technically, trends should last at least 6 months. Right? But even then, 6 months is too short!
Oh gosh, why did I start off this post with a rant. I blame it only my incessant need to shop, and the lack of money in my bank account for that. Anyway, since white denim is in again (i'm pretty sure it was in like last year or a few years before, I mean, how could you go wrong with white denim?) Im going to do a round up of the looks I style this White Denim Jeans with.
I got this pair of pants from Morgan, a shop in Paris along Champs-Élysée, during a sale last summer. Shopping in the sale section = GREAT BARGAINS. I think it was more than half off :) I brought it to London with me, and have worn the death out of it. I bring it on my trips so often because white really goes with anything. As of now (after bringing it to Scandinavia, through the rain, fjords, and full days out and about), it is sadly, stained everywhere and in need of a serious bleaching.
For a simple white pants, you could always keep to the classic monochrome look and go with black on white, it always works, and its SUPER easy to put together. Minimalistic, and very scandinavian :) Pair it with a long gold necklace to add more of that understated-yet-put-together feel, or a nice statement necklace to give it more spunk.
I think white on white can look very... Labour day or PAP (People's Action Party - a political party in singapore). So when doing a white on white look its best to add a pop of colour somewhere. Shoes, Bag, coat, a nice addition of colour makes the look more interesting. Great way to take the focus away from it being so... pristine and clean. Funny thing. I went for a read cardigan, which makes it a very apt outfit for National Day since red and white are the colours on the Singapore flag. One point for patriotism!
Talking about colour, with white jeans as a base, you can really wear any top with it. Have a printed top that is too out there and you don't wear it enough? Pair it with white jeans, and you're good to go!
Now, I guess its time for me to branch out to other white denim - like my new white denim skirt, and to put this pair of pants in the wash multiple times till the dirty stains come off! Otherwise I might have to hack them into shorts, and that would really break my heart.
WHAT I WORE
White Denim Jeans: Morgan
Outfit 1: Coat - coldwear.sg / Black Tunic - H&M / Boots - Topshop / Necklace - Primark
Outfit 2: Cardigan - Tobi / Top - Shelanna / Watch - Iambretta / Necklace - Portugal / Shoes - ASOS
Outfit 3: Printed Shirt Dress - ASOS / Boots - Topshop / Necklace - Primark
MASH UP: White Denim Jeans
18 May 2015
Red was never a colour that I would go for when dressing up. Even on festive occasions like the Lunar New Year, I would rather choose to wear colours like Pink and Orange, never red. To me, red was always too, bright, too jarring for my eyes. Either that, or it was too vampy, sultry, and sexy, a look I never imagine pulling off in my life.
When I saw this Red Cardigan online, I thought it would be a great colour for fall. The shade of red is darker, so it doesn't appear as in-your-face, which to me makes it a lot more wearable.
Like any other bright colour, styling it with a monochromatic look is the safe way to go, and since I didn't want to choose the obvious black, I styled this cardigan over an all white outfit. White Denim also happens to be in for spring!
I know, it looks a little singapore-national-day-esque with the red and white flag colours, but well, I liked it!
I also wore this cardigan in a previous Outfit Diary, but played with the idea of matching colours, wearing a dark pink berry coloured top with it. With brighter colours like Reds, using the colour wheel would help in styling the outfit.
Instead of going with similar colours, complementary colours like blue and navy would also work well with this clothing item! Making use of a colour wheel is a foolproof way of incorporating some colour into your outfit, and deciding what goes with what in terms of colour!
Do you use the colour wheel rule when pairing colourful clothing items? Or are you more of a just-wing-it kinda person? Let me know in the comments below!
WHAT I WORE
Red x Blue Speckled Cardigan - Tobi
Outfit 1: Top - Shelanna / White Jeans - Morgan / Watch - Iambretta / Shoes - ASOS
Outfit 2: T-Shirt - Jerald's Old Shirt / Watch - Naked Glory / Shoes - Charles and Keith
Outfit 3: Navy Top - Thailand / Jeans - Random Online Store / Sunglasses - Accessorize / Shoes - Primark
MASH UP: Red x Blue Speckled Cardigan
23 March 2015 London, UK
Ever since I walked pass this small alley near my hall, I've always told myself to come back in the day and take some photographs in the area. This place reminded me of Rue Cremieux in Paris with its pastel shades. I love how the houses are painted in different colours, streets like these always puts a smile on my face. What's more, I've really been missing my life in Paris. Whenever I walked by these houses, just for that brief moment, I am transported back to Paris (although, not rue cremieux), and I feel like a happier person. For that moment, I forget the fact that just behind this alley is Imperial College, where my soul cries in engineering lectures (ok, fine, I'll stop being melodramatic).
Anyway, I initially got this white sweater (due to the SALE!) with the intention of wearing it in Spring, because all my coats are dark coloured and I figured I would need something light when the weather gets warmer. But, I decided to hop on the "yeti"-winter-look bandwagon and take this sweater out. I don't particularly like wearing so many layers (because I'm not quite used to it, since I come from 30degrees Singapore), but the white sweater was compressible, and it didn't bunch up or feel bulky. Which came as a pleasant surprise considering it looks thick and fluffy!
The good thing is, this white colour cardigan will still be useful when the weather gets warmer! I can’t wait to wear it with patel coloured/lighter colour clothes in the spring. Definitely going to pack this in my luggage when I head for Scandinavia in april! A soft cardigan like this feels like a pillow. You wouldn’t expect it to be soft - well I didn’t, especially since it was from Primark, and Primark isn’t exactly known for its quality. I like the weight and the material of this cardigan especially since it does not feel scratchy AT ALL and it doesn't leave fluff balls all around when I wear it. Guess I lucked out at Primark! ;)
Thats enough blabber about the cardigan - sorry to those who have no interest in clothes. As I was saying before, this place really reminded me of my time in Paris. And, I happen to have a theory that clothes have memory. Let me explain. I think some outfits are tied to special occasions and remind you of people, events and time. Sometimes I find it difficult to wear certain outfit or clothing item again - especially if its to school! - when I've worn it out on say a date or a gathering with friends.
Does anyone ever get that? Or am I the only weird girl who is being too overly attached with clothes? Let me know in the comments!
P.S. I coincidentally wore the same top and pants in the first outfit Rue Cremieux! Click on the link above to see it.
WHAT I WOREShop Similar:
White Fluffy Cardigan - Primark
Outfit 1: Striped Top - H&M / Watch - Nakedglory.com / Shoes - Carlo Rino
Outfit 2: Black Dress - H&M / Necklace - Accesorize / Leather Jacket - Takashimaya / Shoes - Charles and Keith
Outfit 3: Scarf - Fendi / Green Sweater - Forever21 / Bag - H&M / Shoes - Ecco
MASH UP: White Fluffy Cardigan
23 February 2015
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